Wednesday, July 19, 2017

I Can See What The Future Holds, And It Looks So Familiar

On Sunday, b had a playdate. I didn't take any pictures to make it 'official', but I really feel like I need to write it down because it left a very odd feeling for me.

It was a first for me as a mom, and it's sad to say that it will only get worse from here.

So the little girl b had the playdate with has left me with many mixed emotions from the beginning. In the beginning, b spoke about 'A' in a wonderful way, but with time, that excitement has died down, and even has left me questioning why B sticks around. Then again, she is only 7 and still has so much to learn.

''A' doesn't believe in God.' Okay. We can work with this. As a Christian, it's not a requirement to have only Christian friends. She already has some, and maybe 'A' will see something in B and want to join her for church one day.

''A' is bossy to me.' Again, this can be worked through, and maybe B can learn from it. I find myself always asking her if maybe she could be acting bossy herself.

But when you are listening to her prayer at night and she says the words 'help me to not be friends with 'A' anymore', which actually happened on the same day she got the invite to the playdate, you wonder what's happening.

I decided on the playdate because I was very curious about this little girl and her family to see what lessons I could help b learn in this. So we decided to meet up at a local monkey-gym on Sunday after church (and after some form of quiet time so I could mentally prepare)

Instantly, I loved 'A's' stepmom. She was sweet, talkative (but not to the extent that she only talked about herself), and I found out they attend a church we used to attend. But 'A' was a different story. At the door while they checked in, B waited patiently and I watched as 'A' made faces. No big deal. 7 years old, remember? But once they were cleared to go in, 'A' walked right past B... And ignoring her.

I watched as the joy drained from B's face.

There is nothing more devastating than watching your always happy child wonder what they did wrong to deserve that treatment.

The worst part is, it's only just beginning. I remember all too well how my friends in middle school were just that witchy. How joining them to go to the bathroom (because girls always went in groups, remember?) was met with a snide 'we don't need a babysitter'. How one day the 'leader' decided we shouldn't talk to the brainy one of our foursome, and I went along with it. Not because I was a mean girl, but because I thought the leader would do the same to me if I didn't, which, of course, did. But things never were the same again in our foursome, the brainy one smart enough to realize we weren't real friends. I was the next to discover that, unfortunately though, not until a year or two later after becoming her target of many 'pranks'.

I still don't know what to think about 'A'. Trying to see the good in everything, I am trying to rationalize it with everything going on in her life. Divorced parents, new baby coming, two older strep-siblings. Non of which are bad, but everyone handles things differently. Or maybe 'A' is just a spoiled child that will never change, and become the same kind of person my 'bff' was.

And all I can do is stand back and let B make the decisions. I can guide her and hope she'll do what is best for her, but I don't know if I even know what that is.

I'm so grateful for our church and the families that are a part of it. I pray that B will find her true friends through there, and similar places. I know God has something amazing for her, and I have to know that friends like 'A' and mine will only help shape her into what she's meant to be. It is just so hard watching her getting knocked down.

It took an hour for 'A' to try to find B during that playdate, during which time, B had already come to me, ready to go home.

Everyday I tell b to go make friends with someone she sees us lonely. Maybe one day she'll be the one that makes someone's middle school experience better than mine was.

1 comment:

TJ said...

Brylee is always wanting to be friends with everyone. It is in her heart. Just keep guiding her and she will find her friends that will love her for who she is.

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