Today Was A Hard Day...

First thing, Brylee woke up with a terrible cough, only to find out a few hours later via a doctor's visit that it is croup. Croup, a viral infection that lasts typically about 3 days, and the nurse practitioner gave us sample meds to help her get over it more quickly. I was relieved that it was not RSV, until I read in the information pamphlet given to us:

• Close observation

  While your child is croupy, sleep in the same room with him. Croup can be a dangerous disease.

Great. Now I will either make a nice pallet on the floor, or not get much sleep tonight. Just what the over reactive mom needs to hear!

Then, on top of that, Brenda gave her notice at her job today. That was the green light for me to announce to the world that we are moving. 3 weeks until the big event, so it feels like a relief that we don't have to wait any longer and hide it from my friends and family.

But to say that I have mixed emotions about this move is like saying that a mountain is a pebble. I have wanted to be excited about this new adventure, but have cried many times about knowing that my weekly (or more) visits to my family are to come to a halt, that they will not watch Brylee first-hand with her next big change, and that Skype, as wonderful as technology is, will not substitute a hug. I feel so...guilty for taking their granddaughter away from them.

I have talked to my mom so much about this, and she always calms my fears, but with the time getting closer, I am feeling those pangs again. And I feel so weak. I mean, if this is the worst thing I have to face, then what does that say about me?

I'm having a hard time just trusting God. I know He never fails us, and I just want to let it all go to Him. Perhaps somehow He will pick up the city I call my hometown and move it up north with us.

Ugh. Writing this I feel so childish. People face worse all the time, and somehow make it a positive experience. And this move is an answer to my prayers. I mean, who wouldn't want to experience seasons? Cooler weather in the summer? Snow in the winter? Living in a small town with lakes, mountains, trees, and the ocean all within a few minutes drive?

Mom and dad are already talking about their visits, and some of the fun things we will do to make the distance more fun. Not to mention, it is a blessing to have Cary's parents there with us. I am trying to think of things to do to involve us in the community and help us meet people. I just need more optimism, and the ability to just go with the flow.

Did some extra emotional hormones stay in my body from my pregnancy with Brylee? I didn't feel this way before she came around...and since she has touched this earth everything has changed. Or at least in my overactive mind.

All I know is that I want to hold my family that much tighter right now, and give them every opportunity to be around Brylee that is there. And lots and lots of prayers!

My overly emotional self needs some sleep now.