A Depressing Way To Start Vacation...

Friday was a day off of work to participate in Ashes and Radio's Clown Safety Show, as well as visit a to a day care or two, and last but not least, a visit to the doctor to check on my blood sugar stats and get an ultrasound of Brylee to make sure she isn't growing too much too quickly.

Well, the good news is, my blood sugar is looking good according to the doctor, and Brylee is 3lbs, 12 oz, and actually pretty small for this stage. I'm good with that, as long as she remains healthy. I was afraid she would be too big too soon, and it would create problems for both of us. And I have also lost a couple of pounds on my new diet plan (doctor says that it is ok for this!)

However, the bad news is, I have had high blood pressure twice now in the last 2 visits. The doctor is concerned because this could be something that causes me to get really ill, and have to go on bedrest.

I am convinced it is from the stress that I have had the last couple of weeks. The first being trying to get to my appointments on time from work, facing traffic and time. Another is from work and starting to face year end and some of the calls we get.

The third, and I'm most sad about this, is due to my fear of flying and the fact that we were going to be flying out early on Saturday morning. I am embarrassed of my fear because Cary is a pilot and has done everything that he can to make me more comfortable with air travel.

But of course I still can't help but think about our families, Chester, and what their lives would be like if something were to happen (I mean, our families are ecstatic about Brylee! I don't want to ruin that!). But, I'm not going to let this fear stop my travels, because what is life without doing what you enjoy, even in the face of fear?

The doctor told me that she was concerned because I would be getting on a plane, swelling up like a balloon and uncomfortable, and I was prepared for that. But if this was more than stress, then there is a chance I could get really sick while in Vermont and be stuck in the hospital...for an indefinite amount of time. And while I wouldn't mind Brylee being born in Vermont, we would have to find a way for my parents to get up there when the time is right. And I would miss them until that time. Then there is the joy of making sure I worked so that way we wouldn't go broke (well, more broke after the Podcast Challenge... :o) )

So out of concern of Brylee's and my health, Cary and I made the really hard decision of cancelling our trip. I am so bummed about this, and I just want to cry. Actually, I have done lots of that. It gave me a headache, so I am trying not to let it happen again. Cary is wonderful (what else is new?) and has said that we will take this time off this week and relax, go to museums, zoos, shopping...All of this sounds great, but of course, it will not be the same. More relaxing, though.

I have borrowed my mom and dad's blood pressure machine, and I am hoping that testing myself throughout the day will prove that I am not fighting yet another common pregnancy issue, but that more stress than usual is the cause of this and can be controlled.

Words can't express how sad I am that we can't experience the New England fall, go to Woodstock (where we had our honeymoon), and visit beautiful fun little places we were looking to go to (including finding mooses, fall festivals and the SOX store!).

I hate that we had to cancel so suddenly on his parents (who left on Wednesday to drive up there). I am sad for Cary because he decided to stay here and be a loving, supportive husband, when I know he would love to be there experiencing the same things I would love to be experiencing. I do not feel like I deserve him because he is such a loving devoted person and just wants to keep me happy. He is such a blessing!

Alright, enough moping. This next week will be fun, in a different, but yet McFadden, way. Cary and I will get to do things together and it will be a new adventure for us that will continue to grow and develop us as a family.

Stay tuned for the Adventures of our Alternate Vacation!

**UPDATE**--I have taken my blood pressure twice this morning, and so far, I'm in the normal range, as I have been before the last two doctors appointments. So I'm happy that so far I am showing that it has been stress. Now I just need to continue checking the stats and hopefully the dr. will see that everything is alright!